apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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