My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
