I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize