Buhtt sex?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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