My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
