This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my liver is dry heaving
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
