I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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