Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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