Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize