I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
