Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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