Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
