so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
