so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
