So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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