I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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