who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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