awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
