North Korea, Best Korea!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
