Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
