Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
