Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i think my mom watched the whole time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
