So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
