I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My liver just broke up with me...
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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