Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
