Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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