I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It was confusing and full of hummus
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
