I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
