Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
