How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
