Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
