Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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