yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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