I think I am morally bankrupt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
