You just made me feel so damn special
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
