i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
