I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
