Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize