I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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