I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
