it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
