Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
