You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
