Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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