If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
