I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize