I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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