I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
