dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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