i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
