Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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