i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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