You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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