The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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