I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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