we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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