im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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