she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
