Nicole vs. Life
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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