i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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