he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
