Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
