so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
