i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
