im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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