my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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