I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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