I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
