I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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