dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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