I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
