can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
