Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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