My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
