you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
