when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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