Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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