we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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