How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
