that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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