This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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