You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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