areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
