I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize