My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
