He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
