he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
