Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
