i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
