she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
