I cannot find my penis.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
