How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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