I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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